giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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