I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
