Jerry, you need to find god
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
