why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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