Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
