Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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