Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
