I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
