They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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