Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
