He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
