Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
