were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
