Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
