Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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