I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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