I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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