big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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