Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So much Jack, so little girl.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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