i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
