i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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