you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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