I can tuck mytits in my pants
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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