i think i have two assholes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
