The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
