All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
