My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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