Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
