I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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