Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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