o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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