The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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