Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
