Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
