i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
