Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
