i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
