I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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