The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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