You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
