so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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