did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
