Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize