Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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