party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
