DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
