im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Sober January is a disaster.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
