I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
