drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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