he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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