i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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