I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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