Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
