the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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