So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
