i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
