Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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