if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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