Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
