I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
