I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
