The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
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oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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