I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
