Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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