I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
