If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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