please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
