ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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