Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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